The other night as we were kissing the girls goodnight, one of them was wrapped up like a caterpillar in a cocoon. It got me thinking. When the girls were small one of our favourite books was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' by Eric Carle.
We loved that book, and read it over and over again. Alas, they are too old for me to read it to them now. Thankfully, I work with small children and can read it at my place of employment.
I feel a little like that caterpillar. Not in terms of eating you understand, but metaphorically. Way back in 1970 I was born, a small little baby ready for life. As a child I remember being confident, and things nor people bothered me. However, at some stage I allowed myself to become intimidated by life in general. I began to think that everyone was better than me, in all things. I told myself that lie, until it had worn a deep well travelled rut in my head. I lost confidence and lived in a cocoon. It was safe in there and I was less likely to get hurt. I preached to myself a message of 'You are not worth much', even though I [actually should read: thought I] believed that God took me for who I am!
Over the past few months it feels like I am coming out of that cocoon. I hope and pray that I am emerging as a beautiful butterfly. I am seeking to learn about my role as a woman: what should I be doing? How should I act? What clothes should I wear? What does the bible mean to me? At the moment, I have come to the conclusion that I am to live as a person made in the image of God: To love Him and serve Him and others wholeheartedly. A lot is written in Christian blogs etc about Feminism or Submission of women under men - I really do not know what my thoughts on this are any more. It was easier when I was dogmatic about this doctrine!
I do know that by the grace of God, I have a certain amount of strength and I need to hold onto that. I also, have come to realise that misplaced guilt has no place in my life. Guilt that is real must drive me to repentance and change, but that is not what I am talking about here. So, for now I want to live as a butterfly and show the beauty that God has produced in me to my family and the rest of the world.